Creepy Man Invents Internet-Of-Things Device to Lure Women into Bed

  • A Strange Man in a Family Environment
  • The Science of Mood Lighting
  • How to Manipulate Women with Machines
  • Today’s Lightbulb, Same Old Creepiness
  • You Don’t Have to Creep in the Cloud

A Strange Man in a Family Environment

Some men were born to be creepy. One of them was Roger Kay of Forbes.

When Kay was just 24 years old, he purchased a house. It was a financially savvy thing to do: a professor from the University of Chicago, Jim Lorie, recommended buying a house as quickly as possible because the real-estate market was so incredible. Kay greatly respected Lorie, so when he got out of college in 1977, he bought the house, which was located outside of Boston.

Kay hadn’t done too much research on the area, though. He was distraught to learn that he would be living in a wholesome environment, surrounded by families and without any women his age.

Soon after Kay moved into his new home, the Great Blizzard of 1978 struck Massachusetts. The inclement weather, 3 feet of snow, struck so suddenly and so violently that 3500 vehicles became stuck on Route 128. After shoveling his way out of his place, Kay first met his next door neighbor, Mike.

“He was a tinker, and one of his weird little inventions was a small box with AC in and out, two knobs, and a dial,” Kay explains. “The knobs were used to set start and end levels, and the dial set a timer.”

The entire contraption was made out of wiring, tin snips, solder, and a few used parts from Mike’s engineering job at Digital Equipment Corporation.

Kay had an idea for how the device might be used. He borrowed it from Mike and brought it back to his place so that he could use it on women when he brought them home after stuffing them full of Italian food and mediocre wine.

The Science of Mood Lighting

Scientists have ample evidence of a connection between lighting and the emotions – specifically that lighting changes the way emotions are controlled by the nervous and endocrine systems. Examined Existence mentioned one particular study that assessed the current research related to sunlight. The report, compiled by L. Edwards and P. Torcellini for the National Renewable Energy Laboratory, found that sufficient light created joy in participants, while dim light created a sense of negativity.

Now, these findings are conditional to the situation: you won’t feel joyous if you have a bright light in your face while you are trying to sleep. Nonetheless, the research demonstrates how powerful lighting can be. A comment from Examined Existence points out why the Kay project was so effective: “By integrating results from other previous research, the study suggested that different wavelengths and amount of light affect the rate of transmission of action potentials and hormone secretion.”

Hormone secretion – That’s what Kay was going for and what he hopes could be optimized by the internet of things.

How to Manipulate Women with Machines

Kay used the simple electronic device to create what he called the Seducematron. He positioned the two knobs so that the start one was at 100% and the end one was at 10%. He put approximately 45 minutes on the timer and connected the machine to his living room lamp. Now it was time to invite over a lady.

When Kay sat down with a woman on his couch, he would set the timer of the Seducematron, and it worked wonders as an assistive device for his creepiness. “The light gradually dimmed over such a long time that she didn’t actually notice the change at any given moment,” Kay recalled. “The increasingly intimate light set romance in motion.”

Kay explained that the Seducematron could certainly have been improved. It would have benefited from a capacitor to guard against voltage fluctuations. When the refrigerator would start running, the lamp would become exceptionally bright for a moment. So that nothing would ruin the mood created by Kay’s secret machine to manipulate women’s biology with a visual trick, he started unplugging the refrigerator whenever women were around.

Today’s Lightbulb, Same Old Creepiness

Because of his history playing around with lightbulbs to get into women’s pants, Kay was excited by newly released technology that integrates multicolor lightbulbs with a mobile application, through any wireless connection. Smart lighting such as this system created by Qualcomm and LIFX isn’t just good for getting play but could actually serve numerous functions, says Kay:

  • You could make motion-sensor security lights much more ominous by flashing red lights and playing a siren.
  • You could personalize lighting so that it shifts slightly to fit the needs of various individuals, adapting seamlessly when a person enters the room.
  • You could also use the system as entertainment, creating moods for different spaces during a party.

You Don’t Have to Creep in the Cloud

You may not be interested in creating a creep cloud prototype to compete with Kay’s device, but the emergent connected world offers incredible opportunities for development, investment, and entrepreneurship through the internet of things. Get behind the wheel of your own virtual machine today.

By Kent Roberts

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